It’s almost 5:30 in the morning. I’ve realised that if i go to sleep now, i will never get rid of this awful vampire schedule (regardless of my dream to one day BE a vampire. . . ). So I’m just going to stay awake. Which should be too hard considering the 2 liters of Diet Pepsi max I drank this morning, and the LG Jamocha shake I had with dinner. I’m a very bad diabetic, I know.
SO! To keep myself entertained, I’m going to make a list. Of all the paranoid thoughts that go through my head on a regular (and some times not so regular) basis. Some of them are funny, some of them are sad, but you can’t really take this post seriously at all, or you will think I am crazy and stop being my friend.
And so it begins. . .
I’m fat
I’m gay. I’m straight. I’m bi. I don’t know what I am
I’m lonely
I’m scared
I’m crazy. I’m not crazy! EVERYONE ELSE IS CRAZY! I’m crazy for thinking that, aren’t I? Do they know I’m crazy?
I bet he knows I’m crazy.
That’s why he’s not talking to me. Is he really not talking to me? Or is he just not around? How do I convince myself that he’s not talking to me? What did I do to make him not talk to me? Was it something I said? Is it because of the way I look? I bet it’s because I dyed my hair blonde. But I like my blonde hair, fuck him.
MMMM FUCKING. God, i’m a perv. And a slut. No, Sluts have to have sex. Everyone else is having sex. What is wrong with me that I am not having sex?
I fail at being a teenager.
I just turned 18 and I am a virgin. WHO DOES THAT?! Christians. I’m not christian. I have no good excuse. I should just go fuck someone. That’s probably a bad idea. Who would want to fuck me anyway? No one, apparently.
This is a shitty blog.
I haven’t checked my b/g in 2 days, I bet I’m dying. Who would care? No one.
God, i’m such a loser.No I’m not, I have amazing friends.
Shut up brain.
God who thinks this much? Crazy people.
I wonder when I’m getting my blood results back. What if I’m really sick? The doctor said I wasn’t, but they didn’t know what it was. What do they know? Doctors are idiots. What if it’s really serious? What if I AM dying?
I hope I’m not dying. I haven’t done enough yet. God, how many things would I wish I’d done if they told me I was dying? So much. What kind of shit life am I living?
I bet I’m just thinking about boy so much, so I don’t thhave to think about girl. Damnit. no. no. no. shut up brain. SHUT UP.
Yeah, it’s like that. Though, not that fast. I normally concentrate on one question for a good hour. Then move on. Sometimes I don’t move on. Like I said, I have a lot of problems.
Please please plese, just do not take that seriously.
live as if you are dying, that way when you do die, you wont be stuck with all the stuff you wish you wouldve done