Insomnia has completely consumed me.
I’ve been on a total vampire schedule lately, which doesn’t at all help my loneliness. Why no one else is online at 4 AM is totally beyond my comprehension.
Sorry about all my pathetic boy rants, but. . . well. . . I’m pathetic, so it comes with the territory.
I know I have a lot of relationship issues. I’ve been working really hard on them, but some people refuse to make it easy on me. I tend to make myself completely paranoid. . . that the person I’m in a relationship (or whatever you want to call it, friends are relationships. i use that term very loosely) with hates me, or that i’m reading all their signals wrong, or that i took something to far. . . you get the point. Basically, i just always assume that i’m screwing everything up. Yeah, healthy, I know.
Not to mention that ALL OF MY FRIENDS (with the exception of one person. you know who you are- what up homes! thanks for being single!) are in relationships. Or just fucking someone. Either way. Almost all of my friends are getting some sort of action and are satisfied in the relationship department. Which means I am the third wheel ALL THE TIME. So it sucks, and doesn’t make me feel any better about NOT having someone.
So then, when I’m ranting to these people that are in perfect relationships about how lonely I am, I always get the whole “you’ll find someone eventually” speech. GREAT. I know what it’s like to be in a relationship and think you are so very wise and that your words are going to comfort me. I also know that they are not at all comforting. Yeah, i KNOW that eventually I will not be miserable and lonely, but that does not change the fact that right now? I AM. So let me rant and be sad, and sypathise, and then let’s talk about something else so I don’t have to think about it anymore, ok? I really don’t think that is too much to ask.
On another subject etirely, my friend Katie who I hadn’t talked to in like a YEAR, contacted me the other day. Which was awesome, cuz she’s super rad and fun. So we went on an epic adventure that almost ended in a tetnis shot (but did not cuz turns out i’m up to date). But yeah, epic shit. And so now I have one more great friend which is always good and I look forward to hanging out with her more.
I’m also super frustrated with one of my coworkers. I’ve been working at the vet’s ATLEAST twice as long as she has and she has NO respect for me. I will very kindly mention that she needs to do something/forgot to do something or whatever, and then I get a 15 minute long excuse. And here’s the thing. I DON’T CARE WHY you didn’t do it, it just needs to get done. You could’ve done it 5 times in the time it took you to tell me WHY it wasn’t done before. This is NOT PRODUCTIVE. And lately, she’s just been a total bitch to me, and called me out on shit that isn’t true in front of my boss and I’m just sick of it. I’m one shift away from telling my bosses that I just can’t fucking work with her anymore, because it is that stressful. I did not sign up to babysit. If i wanted to babysit, i would put up some fucking fliers. I know this sounds really mean and bitchy, but it’s my blog, and i feel like ranting. Plus, this shit has been going on for a really long time. I’m trying to be the bigger person, I really am, but she is making it hard as hell for me to do that. I really just need to get my fucking promotion, or i need to leave. I’m 18 now, I can go be a waitress and get a shitton more money and a shitton more respect. The end. I apologize for that, but like i said, MY BLOG.
I’m housesitting right now, and the people are coming home 2morrow. Which means I need to do some dishes and shit before they show up, lol. I am so good at procrastinating. It also means that I have to get back to living with my parents. So I get a curfew, and have to check in with them all the time. I’m not a bad kid, don’t get me wrong, but I’m 18 and it would be nice if they gave me a bit more freedom. Having said that, they did tell me that if I continue to be responsible, they will take away my curfew entirely, soon. Since, like I said, I am 18. Hell yes.
Ok. I’m going to go back to being very awake and very bored. Be jealous!
